Breaking Radio Silence

We’ve gone dark for nearly a week. We last left the house on Sunday, and that was to church where we volunteered in the nursery. (My dear friend Sarah may see where this is going.) There were a few kiddos there with sniffles, including our Wren. The weather had been changing and I think all of us adults believed the sniffles were a result of the sinuses adjusting. Well, that was wishful thinking.

Wren has been full on sick since Monday morning. Her dad since Monday afternoon. Her sister since Monday evening.

Continue reading

31 Weeks

On Monday I wanted to write a post about “jamais deux sans trois.” It was an expression my host family used for me when I broke my arm roller skating for the second time, and it’s just kind of stuck around. It translates literally as “never two without a third.” The closest idiom we have for it in English is “when it rains, it pours.” However, it’s not really about negative things happening.

So on Monday, there were three good things to report:

1. In the morning, my OB called to say that I had passed the second test for gestational diabetes, and I told her how excited I was to have cheesecake on my upcoming birthday.

2. Later in the morning, I received word via my husband that my health insurance company admitted that they made a mistake. They should have covered the cost of the Rhogam shot and not denied the mail-order pharmacy that they had referred me to. So we have submitted the receipt for reimbursement.

3. In the evening, I didn’t die. As I was leaving the neighborhood, a car ran a red light and literally stopped a foot from my driver’s side door. Continue reading

Mine (A Rant about Townhouse Parking)

It’s been a long while since my last rant on the blog.  (My Twitter feed doesn’t count.)

I’m so tired of living where I do.  There are only 38 townhomes, and I like most of my neighbors.  However, I can’t stand the board members and their sense of entitlement, especially when it comes to my parking spot.

I have struggled with parking trespassers for years.  I will never forget being told by a woman who would one day serve on the board, “Just assume it’s me parking there.”  I replied, “Just assume don’t park there.”  She continued to park there and have her guests park there, too.  When asking her guests to relocate their car, their responses would include something along the line of “Well, we’re here for a Bible Study” as they walk away leaving their car in my spot…  /cue tow truck

I tried to join the board and make a difference.  However, I was accused of being a snake and untrustworthy.  (Long story short, someone else “leaked” information but she was going through a divorce and I didn’t feel like tattling on her.  My simple “It wasn’t me” didn’t appease my accuser.)  Oh, I was called (and am still called) a racist by the president.  (Sorry, bud, you are not the President of the United States of America.  You get a lower case “p.”)  He made my life miserable enough that I had the Sheriff serve him no trespassing papers, and my life now (in regards to him) has been so much better since then.  (PS  He’s an elder at his church and refused my request for mediation through our pastors.)  Edited to add:  I wasn’t able to make a difference.

Today, I had a doctor’s appointment, lunch with a friend, some last minute errands to run before we depart on our vacation.  Needless to say, I was gone a long time.  By the time I got home, I was tired, hungry, thirsty, and had to, er, use the facilities.  I noticed a car parked poorly and was basically taking up two spots.  Whose car could it be?  The daughter of the HOA’s secretary.  (Not a Christian as far as I know.)

Thank goodness for cell phones because I called Okey and had him go knock on their door.  If he hadn’t been available, I just could not imagine taking Wren out of the car, waddling to their door, grumpily asking them to move, putting her back in the car seat so I could drive my car.  Who am I kidding?  I would just have blocked her in.

It’s been a long day.  I need a vacation.  Hurry up, Saturday.

Another Health Update

Since the last visit with my primary doctor a couple of weeks ago, I have been feeling pretty close to normal.  I actually went on a hike Friday with my walking partner.  We each carried our babies in the front and our backpacks, well, on our backs.  I did pretty well until the last hill.  I wasn’t sure if I was out of breath because I was out of shape (my last hike was in January) or if it was the asthma.  I decided not to risk it and took a couple of puffs from my rescue inhaler.  All in all, I was pretty happy with what I had accomplished.

Today I had a follow up with the primary doctor.  Even though I felt pretty fine, I needed to be told if I can continue my medications as-is or if he feels any adjustments should be made.  We had a good discussion about it all, and he thinks that I should be able to reduce the amount of puffs on my controller inhaler next month.  He also advised me to take my rescue inhaler 30 minutes before any future strenuous activities such as another hike I’m going on this afternoon.

Near the end of our appointment, my doctor thanked me for being a happy, healthy patient.  He told me how difficult it is to see so many obese people coming in (and wanting a pill).  I let him know that I had recently been struggling with the concept of my weight , and I thanked him for this encouragement.  He went on to say that my husband and I are both slender and active, and that he knows our children will be healthy, something about not worrying about America because of us, etc., etc. etc.  Oh, how good I still feel after that discussion!  I’m pretty sure that I’m going to be used as an example for those kinds of patients.  I can hear him now, “Earlier today I had a woman come into the office.  She is pregnant and has asthma, and you know what? She’s going for a hike later today!”

Even though it will be nearly 90° today, I can’t wait for that hike.

I try to walk with Wren around the neighborhood everyday.  Yesterday, as we opened the door to leave, she vigorously nodded her head.  I’m so thrilled that I have instilled the love in the outdoors with her.

My Problem with Weight

I have a problem: I do not know my body type. When I look in the mirror, this is what I see: I see my face and that my hair is in a ponytail, but I gloss over the rest of me. I don’t want to look at it. I’m no supermodel, that’s for sure.

I know roughly the size of clothes I wear. It depends what store I walk in. If it’s a shirt, I’m usually an M. If it’s a dress, I’m typically an L and sometimes an XL.

Some days it’s hard to go shopping. All the 0s and 2s are placed in the front. I have to push everything forward to get to the back. It’s depressing to see all of those smaller sizes get passed by.

I once went into a United Colors of Benetton. I didn’t see any Ls hiding behind the cute XSs and Ms there. When I asked the associate, she told me bluntly, “We do not carry your size.” Wow. At least, I made it out of the store before I cried. (This was when I was ten pounds lighter, too!)

I probably could lose a few pounds*, but I shouldn’t have to. I’m not fit, but I think I qualify as active. I’m a tall woman. I’m also a healthy weight. I’m starting to come to terms with what I am, a real woman, but I’m not fully there yet.

So when the flyer came in the mail to sign up for the Cecil Jarvis 10K in Clarksbrug, West Virginia, imagine my surprise when they listed the starting weight for “overweight” women at 140 pounds. I can’t remember the last time I stepped on the scale and saw that number – early high school perhaps. It was another depressing reminder that I don’t meet our society’s expectations of beauty.

According to the BMI index, you’d have to be under 5’3″ and weighing 140 pounds in order to be classified as overweight. But that’s flawed too since it doesn’t take into account muscle and body fat.

I texted my friend who is fit, about what she thought about that flyer: Sad.

The men’s overweight category starts at 225 pounds – a startling 85 pound difference.

No wonder so many women in this country have body issues and self-esteem problems. No wonder I’m one of them.

20130405-085611.jpg

*What I’m actually needing to do now is gain, ha!

Timing

A week or two after I returned from Chicago, I got a phone call from my former boss.  She was letting me know that they unfortunately had to let my replacement go, and she was asking if I wanted my old job back.  Had I not just learned that I was pregnant, I might have considered accepting her offer on the spot.  However, we reached a compromise.  I would work on specific projects from home.  I could do these projects at my own pace as long as I got the work done by the deadlines.  Seriously, this is a dream job.  I couldn’t say no.  I agreed to return to work temporarily — until they find my new replacement or until the end of August.

I thought this income could be used to buy new maternity clothes and put the rest into savings; however, it’s contributing to my recent medical bills.

I’m very sorry to hear that my replacement is no longer there.  We used to work together at that company, and I thought she would be a perfect fit.  She was well liked and a good worker.  Obviously, I was wrong.

I’m relieved to know that we can pay these extra bills which seem to come in the mail every day now.  Does that make me a bad person?  That I’m relieved to remain “comfortable” while there’s a good person, a single mother, who’s not able to provide an income for her household?

What’s good timing for me is bad timing for her.

Don’t you know?  I struggle with guilt.

Funny Conversations with Friends and Family

20130321-135352.jpg

I had a thought about my life pre-Wren, and rather than saying “While we were waiting for a placement” I said “When I was pregnant with Wren.” I couldn’t believe I had thought that! I guess it shows how much Wren is my child.

Now that I am actually pregnant, I know that this is a time period that cannot be mistaken. Still I am laughing at similar conversations with friends and family.

Okey said rather proudly, “Do you realize you will be the first of our college friends to go through two pregnancies?”

At dinner, a neighbor asked me, “So have you had any different cravings this go round?”