I just wanted to let you all know a few things that happened today. We did ask that the nurse who caused us grief not care for Wren again. This seemed to be the best course of action and it brought us peace.
I returned to the hospital again today unsure of what to expect. The first nurse who greeted me thought I was bringing Wren home today. Another nurse who started her shift later was surprised to see us still there as well.
Wren did just as well today as yesterday, and today’s nurses’ notes reflected this. I heard from another nurse that the primary doctor was not happy (I think the actual word used was “upset”) that Wren’s recovery was stalled over the weekend.
We still do not know when she will be allowed to come home, but we have peace knowing that she had another good day. Thank you all for your prayers and support always and especially at this time.
Overall, the nursing staff has been wonderful. I have enjoyed their company and welcomed their advice. I am starting to realize that I will miss having them within earshot to help me the next time I have something new and unexpected come up!
We got the phone call on the 14th that a birthmother had picked us. We met the birthmother on the 16th and following that awkward meeting we saw our daughter.
Her name, for purposes of this blog, is Wren. This beautiful girl was born on March 11th. We cannot imagine our lives without her already and we need your prayers.
She was born early. We are not able to discuss her condition which is keeping her in the hospital. (We knew what it was when we agreed to adopt her.) Every day since the 16th I have driven eighty miles to the hospital to hold her, sing to her, comfort her.
We have seen a remarkable improvement in her health. Strangers who see us in the hospital do not recognize she is an ill child. Nursing students included.
Tonight, we got some devastating news that will push back Wren’s release date to later this week (we had been hoping for tomorrow). The staff today did not seem confident in their assessment of her and we practically begged them to see the improvement in her. Their decision today means that she may not come home until Friday now. The baby’s social worker agreed with us which is what made this so much harder.
Please pray for the staff at the hospital to make wise decisions, for Okey and me to know they are doing what is best for our daughter and for the gaping emptiness we feel, and for Wren as it is hard for her to thrive in the hospital without dedicated caregivers.
Thanks and love to you all.
Well, I’ve got a few minutes to summarize my year so far, so here goes:
I’ve been soda free for over 70 days. I haven’t found a good exercise schedule yet, but I’m still losing a little bit of weight. I think I’ll still be able to reach my target weight by June.
We’ve ventured to West Virginia quite a bit this year, and I’m looking forward to having more people coming to visit us. One of the bridesmaid’s in my sister’s wedding who I now call a friend, Zenny, came to visit in January. We had exceptional weather for sightseeing around the nation’s capital. Enna is coming up from Tennessee next week, and I’m looking forward to returning to the city now that the cherry trees are in bloom. Oh, and my mum is coming down the following week. And my sister Marji may be flying down soon, too. (I really hope so!)
We’ve already purchased tickets to a wine tasting in upstate New York in April, and we’re supposed to buy our plane tickets to Texas in May. Oh, and then we need to go to Ohio to help put siding on the farmhouse. (Although I honestly don’t know how much help we can be.) Then there’s a high school graduation at the beach in June. (How am I old enough to have two nieces done with high school?)
I’m bummed that I haven’t been able to meet Sarah’s beautiful twins yet. But between their hospital stays and family visits, I’ve had to put that on hold. I don’t know where I’ll be able to fit a trip to Raleigh, but I’m determined to make it happen.
I’ve been busy knitting nothing in particular. I’ve been rather fond of knitting hats and perhaps at some point I’ll upload pictures of them. I’ve certainly made a lot of hats this year.
The baby’s room is looking grand (although I still need to finish the crib skirt). The rocking chair my father-in-law made is here. All of the furniture we need is assembled. The only thing left to add to this crazy concoction called our life … is a baby.
When our social worker told us to live our life as normally as we could during the wait, I wonder if she could have anticipated this… haha!
No news is good news is how the saying goes. I don’t have any news about the adoption — specifically the referral (when we’re connected to a birth mother) or the placement (when the child enters our home) — so why doesn’t that feel good?
Our first possibility of adopting a baby last fall didn’t end well. We were honored to be recommended as possible adoptive parents for the young woman, but there weren’t any details that made it seem like a match. Sadly, we learned that the woman lost the baby and our hearts are still sad for her and her family’s loss.
Our second possibility of adopting a baby had lots of details, yet it was not meant to be.
Our third possibility led to a very difficult decision in which we ultimately said no. We were offered the opportunity to change the life of an infant who suffered a near death experience at 3 mos. It was unclear if her developmental delays were a result of said experience or her home environment. What was more unclear was her prognosis. It was without doubt that we could love this child with our whole hearts, but we have to make these decisions with our hearts and our brains. We pray that this child will be placed in a home that is capable of caring for her.
We know that we just have to be patient for the right referral and placement. I just hope we’ll know it when we see it.
There are many lists in this life. It’s good to be on most of them. For example, you’ve got Santa’s list (the one he checks twice), the Dean’s list, and the best dressed list.
At our most recent adoption support group, the topic of the list came up. We were talking about the waiting list. At first you are excited to get on the list, but then after a while you can’t wait to get off of it.
There are people who obsess about their placement on the waiting list.
I don’t want to obsess over my ever changing number, so we’re not going to ask where we stand. The way I see it, if our number kept changing, I would be jealous of all the other families who got their placements before us. (One would argue that they’ve been waiting longer so it’s only fair, but that’s not how jealousy works.)
Also, I never want to be #1 on the waiting list because that woud mean that we’ve been waiting the longest for a placement. The only good thing about being #1 is that when there is a cold call you are given first choice at a placement. Nowadays, though, the birth parent(s) are very active in choosing the adoptive parents so it doesn’t really matter where you fall on the list.
Still, I asked our social worker about family #1 because I was curious about them. Right now, family # 1 has been waiting for nearly three years. (Eep! Right?) Our social worker explained though that this family has taken themselves off of the list several times and that they have just rejoined after a ten-month hold. (I like our social worker. She puts a positive spin on everything.) She also indicated that the family was very selective which means that they would be likely to stay on the waiting list longer than most.
Would you want to know where you were on the list?
Two weeks ago on Monday, I did something that I hadn’t allowed myself to do since we were approved by the adoption agency. I went online to look at baby registries for myself.
I didn’t get very far, because the phone rang. It was the adoption agency telling met that there was a woman who was due the following week. They wanted our permission to show her our profile because they felt the situation was unique. I will spare the details, but the coincidences were amazing. Okay, I can’t resist so here’s one detail. This would be her sixth child, and I’m number six in my family. (She is currently raising one of her children, having placed the other four up for adoption.)
After discussing the particulars, Okey and I said that we were open to letting the birthmother view our profile. We prayed and we tried our best to guard our hearts. They were only showing our profile after all, we hadn’t actually been selected. However, we had the realisation that we could actually become parents. That’s when the mild panic set in (see previous post).
Although we were excited at the prospect of having a baby to introduce to our families at Christmas, we learned today that the birth mother has decided to raise this child herself.
Our simple prayer — which has been stickied to the fridge — was this:
Lord, we lift [this child] to You for safekeeping.
Lord, you know how to care for him.
Allow us to trust in your decision for him and for his mother(s).
We are happy for her that she is able to raise this child. We’re okay without the (s). We are considering what happened to be like a drill. So when “the call” comes for real, we know we will be a little better prepared … even though I still actually haven’t started a baby registry.
You might be wondering where in the world Okey and Polly are since I haven’t posted in over a month. Well, we might actually be in the last place you would expect us, which is to say, at home.
We’re not allowing ourselves a moment to rest, though. We are panicked (just a little) by the thought that we could have a baby at any time … so we’ve been very busy.
I’m proud to say that the baby’s room is coming together and that we have enough clothes and supplies for the initial few days. I finally picked out the dresser and nightstand which Okey has assembled.
I’ve been knitting another sweater. I also have added knitted bibs and burp cloths to my growing collection of baby items. Just tonight I finished the yellow hat. I am proud to add backward knitting (instead of purling), intarsia and edging to my repertoire.
We’ve also been reading about what to expect during the first year. We’re researching formulas. We’ve even been discussing baby names.
The to-do list is still massive, but we actually feel ready.