“Are they both yours?”

“Are they both yours?” The woman asked as she sat down next to me.

The toddler was happily running back and forth between the toys and me as we waited in the doctor’s office. The infant was asleep in her car seat.

There it is, I thought. Hardly an outing goes by without someone having to ask about our family.

“Yes. These two are mine,” I replied with a smile.

“Oh,” she continued, “I asked because she has dark skin. I thought maybe she was adopted.”

“She’s still mine,” I simply offered back with a grin. Wren had noticed someone talking about her and came close to her mama. We exchanged kisses.

“Is her dad black?” The woman continued probing, not getting it.

Yes? No? One of them is? Despite a lot of practice, I still don’t know how to answer these questions.

I said “yes” this time.

I wish I had answered no. The only dad Wren has ever known is not black.

I wondered at what point Wren will understand these strange remarks. I wonder when she’ll start asking me these questions.

A question for my readers: How would you respond in this situation at the doctor’s office?


2 thoughts on ““Are they both yours?”

  1. Polly, have you ever checked out the Facebook group Transracial Adoption? That’s a place you could ask a place like this and get a lot of people weighing in, including adult transracial adoptees. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!

    • Thank you for the recommendation! I could see how such a group would be helpful. However, I am not on Facebook. I do meet semi-regularly with a group of other adoptive families and might get to pose the scenario with them next month.

      I hope that you and your family have a wonderful Thanksgiving, too!


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