adoption: the list

There are many lists in this life.  It’s good to be on most of them.  For example, you’ve got Santa’s list (the one he checks twice), the Dean’s list, and the best dressed list.

At our most recent adoption support group, the topic of the list came up.  We were talking about the waiting list.  At first you are excited to get on the list, but then after a while you can’t wait to get off of it.

There are people who obsess about their placement on the waiting list.

I don’t want to obsess over my ever changing number, so we’re not going to ask where we stand.  The way I see it, if our number kept changing, I would be jealous of all the other families who got their placements before us.  (One would argue that they’ve been waiting longer so it’s only fair, but that’s not how jealousy works.)

Also, I never want to be #1 on the waiting list because that woud mean that we’ve been waiting the longest for a placement.  The only good thing about being #1 is that when there is a cold call you are given first choice at a placement.  Nowadays, though, the birth parent(s) are very active in choosing the adoptive parents so it doesn’t really matter where you fall on the list.

Still, I asked our social worker about family #1 because I was curious about them.  Right now, family # 1 has been waiting for nearly three years.  (Eep! Right?)  Our social worker explained though that this family has taken themselves off of the list several times and that they have just rejoined after a ten-month hold.  (I like our social worker.  She puts a positive spin on everything.)  She also indicated that the family was very selective which means that they would be likely to stay on the waiting list longer than most.

Would you want to know where you were on the list?